Reality

I haven't posted in a while, haven't stopped. The other night  my friend Jess and I headed to the dream bench to light two lanterns, two different messages, or pleads if you will, to our dear friend. It was quite distressing  when they wouldnt light, (tip: never buy a giant lighter from the poundshop for 99p!!), however, a fine specimen of a man happened to be walking past with his dog, I don't know whether this is stereotypical, but he had an army jacket it on, so I got the idea he was from some millatary background, if so, his training paid off and he managed to successfully light one of the lanterns, which we had been trying to light for near on an hour. He stayed for a while and asked us why we where setting lanterns off, when we told him it was message to a late friend of ours, he felt it his place to leave, which was really respectfull of him, but as he left, the wind picked up, and one pair of hands holding the lit lantern was not enough and it caught fire. We accepted that, maybe the lanterns weren't wanted that night, and we left for home. We decided to try again last night, so again we headed to the dream bench, this time we sheltered down some steps and managed to light it, and successfully fill it with enough hot air for it to go. And it went. And we sent our message, and we watched. Together, but alone. In private hope, thought, prayer if you will.

<3 xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I've began to read that Madeleine Mcann  book that the Mcann parents wrote and published in "attempt to find Madeleine". Intially, I've fallen into the sceptical, judgemental thinking of a large chunk of the public, in believing that the parents accidently killed Madeleine by unknowingly overdosing her on sleeping tablets, they are both Doctors, they both have access to medicines and narcotics. I always assumed that was what happened, even if it wasnt, at the end of the day, they were the route cause for her death/dissappearance, regardless of how close to the restaurant, them children should not have been left asleep, alone. Im sure that's something the parents deeply regret now themselves.

Anyways, that is what I thought, my thoughts have changed merely two chapters into the book. Maybe it's the account that has changed my ideas, or maybe its recent life events. Maybe that was the parents idea, to write the book, to change peoples view, keep them in the clear. I don't know, I never will know, but how I feel now, is that a little girl was taken from her bed, in a "safe" family resort, by an unknown adult.

For Madeleines sake, I hope the abducter was mereley looking for a child, to care for, maybe they couldn't conceive themselves? And if not and the more obvious view of Paedophile rings and child trafficking is true, then I pray.

Another thing I've been thinking about is people. People in general. Sometimes we find ourselves saying "Oh he is a changed person", "People change", "You've changed" etc. But now,I don't believe people change, I just believe people present a side of themselves, that maybe you've never seen in them before, maybe you like it, maybe you don't. If the person you once new them as is a good person, then maybe you can have hope that the predominance of the personality will be that which you know, with minor intervals of not necessarly displeasing traits but different ones, or maybe the new side what you've seen in a person over powers the person you once knew.

Nobody can help who they are, at the end of the day, I guess  we are all individuals striving to be the best humans we can be.

On a lighter less deep thought, I am going on holiday this afternoon, with one of my best friends Rebecca. I really feel like I need a break, this year has been a one of hard work and endurance and recent events have been mentally exhausting, so on one hand I am indefinatley looking forward to a little holiday, and I couldnt think of a more cheery, fun, caring, wild, loving, amazing friend to go with, but on the other hand, I feel truly selfish, going on holiday, having a break, leaving people I care about very much at home, during the worst and most difficult time of their lives.

Talk in a week. xxxxx